Ever since we have endured countless stressful appointments, MRI's with sedation, and surgeries, I have discovered a new type of nausea. I feel it in the pit of my stomach usually the night before. I sleep (restlessly), wake up with it, and then feel it escalate throughout the morning and into the procedure as I wait. I try to concentrate on other things, I take deep breaths, I pray, but it sort of lingers. After the procedure or appointment it finally rushes out of my system but then leaves an exhausting haze. Yes, "surgery day" is a long day! As ridiculous as it sounds, the person keeping me strong is my 20 month old, Carson. "Surgery day" seems like the sort of situation where the parent should be calming the child but this morning it was the other way around.
Carson was quite happy showing up at the hospital. He loved the various playrooms/waiting rooms with all the different toys. And he loved flirting with the nurses. Obviously, he didn't have a clue what was going on, but it kept me strong seeing him enjoying the morning. He has been through so much. I sometimes get emotional in the waiting rooms and in part it's because of the fear, but also because of all the past memories of similar situations which God has delivered us from. The endless waiting before the surgery gave me time to remember that God has always protected Carson and has strengthened us when we felt we were at our lowest low.
After the surgery, of course, Carson's good mood was long gone. He was very upset after waking up from the anesthesia. He sobbed angrily as bloody tears trickled from his eyes (quite a scary sight!). Seeing your child like this is a helpless feeling, but it was my turn to be the strong one.
It's 12 hours later and Carson is home and resting in his bed for the night. It was a long day, but he did great. Each time we endure a challenge like today, I feel stronger for the next.